5) Use the buddy system. Navy SEALs are the toughest warriors on the planet, but they don’t go into the water or anywhere without a buddy. Why? Because it’s dangerous. If you are being bullied, take a friend. What if you don’t have a buddy? Make one. I knew a teacher who was being bullied by a parent. She went to places by herself and wanted the verbal abuse to stop. She carried a digital recorder with her. Once she played it back, the bullying stopped. Surround yourself with positive people.
6) Bullying ends when confidence begins. If you really want bullying to end, you must work on your confidence. I don’t mean just a little bit; I mean a lot! You can’t be bullied if you have confidence.
Confidence doesn’t allow you to second guess yourself. Confidence encourages you to inform others about the problem. Confidence gives you the courage as a bystander to get involved. Confidence helps you in so many ways.
Is it Bullying?
We must use the word “bullying” carefully. Misusing the term bullying will diminish the word’s value and lessen the severity of its impact on victims.
Rude: When someone says or does something unintentionally hurtful, they are being rude.
Mean: When someone says or does something intentionally hurtful, they are being mean.
Bullying: When someone says or does something intentionally hurtful and keeps repeating it, even after you ask them to stop, that is bullying. But don’t wait until there are multiple occurrences. Help people when they are hurt and work to prevent future instances of harm.
Rudeness, meanness, and teasing can lead up to bullying, and each needs to be addressed at some level.
Bullying often involves two or more people who aren’t friends, and there is often an imbalance of power. This imbalance of power can be due to differences in size, popularity, holding a position of authority, or several children joining in to verbally, physically, or emotionally harm another. If you feel someone’s actions are harmful and intentional, intervene.
There are people in this world who are rude. They are called rude people. There are people who act like jerks. They are called jerks. There are people who are mean. They are called mean people. But these people are not necessarily bullies.
Bullies are people who say or do something intentionally hurtful and keep repeating it, even after you ask them to stop.
Bullying can take many forms, including:
• Verbal bullying, such as name-calling and verbal harassment.
• Excluding another person from a group.
• Physical bullying, such as pushing, hitting, or kicking.
• Spreading lies and false rumors.
• Taking away things or damaging personal property.
• Threatening or coercing another person into unwanted actions.
• Racial bullying.
• Sexual bullying.
• Religious bullying/persecution.
• Cyberbullying (via smartphones or computers).
The Opposite of Bullying is Leadership. Become a leader.
It wasn’t easy for me growing up with what many considered a girl’s name. A boy named ‘Kelly’ was often a regular target for bullies. I wouldn’t change my name for the world, though. It’s not only my identity; it has helped me become the person I am today. My name forced me to stand up to the mean-spirited and helped me develop much-needed self-confidence at an early age.
While I may be considered a ‘big guy’ today, that wasn’t always the case. I was one of the smallest boys in my class until my eighth-grade year. I was shy too. My first interests weren’t sports but rather art and writing. The combination of all these qualities that make me ‘me’ often made me different, out of place, and teased. I was not, however, a victim. Somewhere deep within my genetic code, my Irish DNA stepped up and helped me confront what I knew was wrong. When I found out that my name ‘Kelly’ was Irish for ‘warrior,’ that sealed the deal. When others were being teased, I would get involved.
I stayed active, worked out with the football team, and graduated as a ‘big guy’ with big plans. I was always on the lookout for people unable to stand up to bullies themselves. I understand where they’re coming from, because it isn’t easy. As a teacher, there is nothing I enjoy more than standing up to a bully and helping the recipient of the abuse feel more confident and loved.
Even in public, far from home, I walk into situations where someone is being victimized. It’s just my nature. I’m still the Eagle Scout trying to be helpful, trying to make a difference.
Oddly, the bullying never stopped. It didn’t matter how old I was, where I was, how big I became, or what accomplishments I had achieved. There has been a bully at each stage of my life. Perhaps others don’t call them that, but I do. Anyone who finds enjoyment in the suffering of another is a bully.
It might be a coworker, a neighbor, or even that mean clerk in the checkout line. Regardless, there is no shortage of negative thinking, mean-spirited bullies. I have even read about cyberbullying that uses texting, blogs, and social networks to harass and victimize. (Many states are considering more laws about bullying and stricter punishments.
To conclude, I want to emphasize that there are clearly more good people in this world than bad, despite how the media portrays it. Ninety-nine percent of our interactions are good and wholesome, and our focus should be there.
If you have been bullied, then you also know how powerful that one percent can be, and how it can alter a life. Don’t let it. Be heard. Find a buddy. Confront it. The greatest gift we can give in life is a second chance; in time, please try to extend that gift to the person you once considered a bully.
…
Can Bullying be Stopped?
That is a great question and one that has no simple answer. Bullying stops when the bully matures and learns to have empathy for others or when the recipient learns to build up enough confidence in himself or herself that the actions of others are less hurtful. Neither of these is easily learned and implemented; however, some relief can occur immediately through the interaction of trained professionals.
As parents, we must understand that the recipient of bullying is injured. Like all injuries, it will take time to heal. Just as a person goes through physical therapy for an injured shoulder, the recipient of bullying may need some parental counseling to improve or counseling from trained professionals at school or elsewhere. It is nothing to be ashamed of or worried about. If we could afford it, we would all have a physical trainer, a nutritionist. Why not a coach to help you sort out your problems, concerns, and improve your attitude? Think of counseling, whether in the house or outside the home, as a life skills class teaching us lessons on how to live life to the fullest.
Notify the School. There really is a lot the school can do to help, and schools really want to help. Even if they can’t help in your situation now, they will be aware of the situation and make adjustments for the future. They can keep their eye out for future situations. Don’t expect an immediate solution. It just doesn’t work that way.
Most parents become most upset because they find out about bullying after it has been going on for a while. Typically, parents don’t find out about bullying, unfortunately, until it has really taken an emotional toll on their child.
Parents often want to lash out at the school or someone because of the emotional toll it has on a family, but the focus needs to be on the child and letting the child know that everything is going to get better. More attention needs to be placed on the victim than the bully. When parents focus entirely on the actions of the bully, the victim continues to feel inferior, insignificant, and worthless.
Talk with Your child often about bullying whether you think they are a victim of bullying or not.
Questions to ask:
Do you know anyone that is a victim of bullying? What would you do if you did know?
Do you know anyone bullying someone? What would you do if you did know?
Do you know anyone that is a bystander in a bullying situation? What would you do if you did know?
Do you know anyone who has been a hero and helped the victim of a bully in some way? What would you do if you did know?
Victims of Bullying Need the Following:
1) They need to know things are going to get better and they are going to be safe.
2) They need to know that they are helping others by talking about it.
3) They need to know that what they tell you will not hurt them.
4) They need to know they are loved and that they matter.
5) They need to know that you cannot respond to bullying with bullying.
6) They need confidence and a boost in self-esteem.
7) They need to be mentored in leadership.
8) Most importantly, they need to know that life gets better.
How do you build self-esteem?
1) Praise, especially in public.
2) Regular conversations and involvement in activities.
3) Surrounding them with positive role models and peers. Build these sessions.
4) Giving them some options and tools on what to do when bullying occurs.
Eleven Ways to End ‘Not Feeling Good Enough’:
We live in a time when frustration and overwhelm are not only rampant but also accepted as normal feelings and talked about as a badge of honor or as evidence of being a hard worker.
Q: “How’s it going today?”
A: “I am so busy! It’s crazy. I am completely overwhelmed with the number of emails and work. I’m not sure if I’ll ever get in front of it. Same thing at home. I have to be so many places tonight.”
Isn’t the above accepted as normal banter?
Listen, frustration and overwhelm are not okay.
How we talk to ourselves matters. How we talk about ourselves matters. We must be intentional with how we speak about ourselves, our jobs, and our lives.
Frustration and overwhelm will not end by executing an enormous number of hours of work.
Frustration and overwhelm will end when we interrupt how we are thinking, change the way we talk about work and life, and change what we take action on and prioritize.
Our brains are taking in a tremendous amount of messages from television, social media, interactions with others, mainstream media, and a variety of other sources. A good portion of these messages is manipulated in ways that create an inaccurate baseline of self-value. Likes, followers, shares, filtered photos, editing apps, and other variables enhance a false narrative of normal. It would appear as if everyone is fit, always looks great, has more money, buys nicer cars, travels to exotic places, and is always happy. A part of us knows the reality that this isn’t really the case, but there it is in front of us again and again, like waves on a beach beating down on us.
Too many people, young and old, are feeling Not Good Enough.
How can we put An End to Not Feeling Good Enough?
- We need to limit our social media consumption.
2. Interrupt what we focus on. Get an understanding that almost none of it is real or matters anyway.
3. Change how we talk to ourselves. Journal some positive things to plant in your mind. Create a running list of positives to focus on in certain situations and especially before bed.
4. Get our bodies moving. Especially when we are feeling beat down.
5. Build a network of friends that include a truth teller, an encourager, a coach, and a friend. Be these for others too.
6. Control what we are putting into us. That includes foods, music, books, drinks, thoughts, drugs, media, stories, and more.
7. Change the story we tell about ourselves. Both at work and at home! Focus on what you are accomplishing and the positives of your day. Don’t exaggerate. They are there!
8. Make gratitude a regular part of your self-talk and outward talk. Make a list. Read it.
9. Say “not right now” to new tasks and responsibilities and until you really have time for them.
10. Make a list of what makes you feel good and what doesn’t. Schedule more of the former.
11. Embrace mindfulness. Take a minute to stop what you are doing. Smile. Breathe. Limit your thoughts.
I don’t want others to feel not good enough. I don’t want to feel that way. I don’t want my family to feel that way. I don’t want you to feel that way. It’s not going to happen accidentally; we must start being intentional about it. Catch yourself talking outwardly or inwardly in negative ways and correct it immediately with a new version; that is habit interrupting and rebuilding. Catch yourself feeling negatively and immediately change what you are thinking about, and if you can, what you are doing and where you are at. Get in front of this and change your life.
Bullying and Devices
Cyberbullying happens when children or teenagers bully each other using technology. It could be texts, status updates on Facebook, tweets on Twitter, a photo on Instagram, Snaps on SnapChat or any method that bullies someone using technology.
We must teach young people to be good digital citizens. Schools are a great place to teach digital citizenship, but they have a lot on their plate already. As parents, we too must teach our children about the proper ways to use technology, and most importantly, we must model good behavior.
A growing trend among recent reports of cyberbullying is that these technology-driven assaults on a person’s character or emotions are quite often modeled by the bully’s parents or an older sibling. That’s right, they witnessed an adult or older role model use technology to embarrass, poke fun at, insult, or demean another individual. Much like other forms of bullying, cyberbullying is most often an imitated act.
One of the biggest dangers of cyberbullying is that the images and words posted can be potentially around forever. Once a photo or words are posted, they are difficult to have removed from the web. They are even more difficult to remove from someone’s memory and emotions.
Devices need bedtimes too. Put your devices away in a special spot, out of sight, on mute, certain hours of the day. No devices in bedrooms. You need a break!
Cyber Bullying and Social Media Impacting Self-Esteem:
Let’s chat about something super important – our time on devices and looking out for each other online. We’re all in this digital world together, so we gotta have each other’s backs, right? Here are some tips to keep things awesome:
1. Balance the Screen Time:
Okay, I know Snapchat streaks and Instagram stories are tempting, but spending too much time on devices can mess with our heads. Let’s set some limits. Like, after a certain hour, let’s chill with the screens and give our brains a break. Our sleep and focus will thank us later.
2. Call Out the Not-So-Cool Stuff:
If you see something online that’s just not right – it could be inappropriate, hurtful, or even dangerous – don’t just scroll past it. Let’s talk about it. Send a DM or chat in person. We’re friends, and real friends look out for each other, even in the virtual world.
3. Share the Concerns:
Hey, if something’s bothering you, don’t hesitate to tell someone you trust. It could be a friend, sibling, or even a teacher. We’re not alone in this, and talking about our worries can make us feel better.
4. Stay in the Positivity Zone:
Let’s make our online spaces positive and uplifting. Share funny memes, cute animal videos, and cool things that inspire us. Spread good vibes, and we’ll create a better online world for everyone.
5. Use Those Privacy Settings:
I know, privacy settings can be confusing, but they’re like our shield against unwanted stuff. Let’s spend some time figuring them out so we can control who sees our posts and info.
6. Keep it Real:
Don’t fall for the highlight reel trap. Social media can make it seem like everyone’s life is perfect, but remember, that’s not reality. Let’s keep it real and not compare ourselves to impossible standards.
7. Know When to Disconnect:
We’re not glued to our devices 24/7. It’s totally okay to take breaks. Go for a walk, meet up with friends, or dive into a hobby. These moments off-screen are when the real magic happens.
8. Support Each Other:
If someone’s going through a tough time online or offline, let’s be there for them. A simple “Are you okay?” message can make a big difference.
9. Fact-Check Before Sharing:
Before hitting that retweet or share button, let’s make sure what we’re spreading is legit. Fake news can spread like wildfire, and we don’t wanna be a part of that.
10. Be Kind Always:
Last but not least, let’s spread kindness like confetti. Compliment a friend’s pic, give kudos for achievements, and be supportive. Our words have power, and we can make someone’s day with a simple comment.
So, that’s the scoop, my friend. Let’s be responsible digital citizens who rock the online world while looking out for each other. We’ve got this!
Seven Ways to Address Teen Mobile Device Addiction
Tackling a Growing Problem
I recently read an article in USA Today that cited a report from Common Sense Media, revealing that 50% of teens claim to be addicted to their mobile devices. If you think about it, you’ll probably agree with these findings too. It seems like everyone has their heads buried in their screens. So, what can we do about it? Here’s my advice:
1. Model Responsible Device Use
Lead by Example
Remember, they are watching us. Show them how you want them to use their mobile devices by setting a good example.
2. Limit Alone Time with Devices
Encourage Real-World Interactions
Reduce the amount of time your teens spend alone with their devices. Encourage social interactions and activities that don’t involve screens.
3. Encourage Creativity
Inspire Their Imagination
Promote creative activities using mobile devices, like making movies or other digital creations. Work with them to channel their device use into productive endeavors.
4. Enforce Bedtimes for Devices
A Digital Curfew
Establish specific hours when devices are put away for the night, and they stay out of the bedrooms. Quality sleep is essential for their well-being.
5. Create Device-Free Zones and Times
Unplug Together
Designate areas in your home and times during the day when devices are off-limits, like during dinner or in the bathroom.
6. Get Involved in Their Digital World
Reconnect with Your Teen
Spend time with your teens on their devices, just like you did when they were younger. Show genuine interest in what they’re doing online.
7. Offer Alternatives
Rediscover Quality Time
Engage in activities that foster social interaction and growth, such as playing board games, taking walks, or working out together. Building memories is more important than screen time.
Remember, implementing all seven methods at once may be challenging, so start with one and be consistent. Start the conversation about responsible device use early, regardless of your child’s age. Technology is a powerful tool when used wisely, and teaching your children to use it properly is crucial.
6 Things Children Need to Hear
The Power of Positive Words
Children hear many things throughout the day, and the words they hear leave a lasting impact. As parents, teachers, coaches, and mentors, it’s essential to choose our words carefully. Here are six things I believe children need to hear more often:
1. Yes!
Embrace Positivity
Instead of defaulting to “No” as the answer, try saying “Yes” more often, but with conditions. Encourage responsibility and communication.
2. I Make Mistakes Too!
Embrace Imperfection
Let children know that everyone makes mistakes, and failure is a stepping stone to success. Model taking responsibility for your own mistakes.
3. You Can Accomplish Anything!
Inspire Limitless Dreams
Encourage children to dream big and believe in their limitless potential. Remind them that they can achieve anything they set their minds to.
4. How Can I Help You?
Foster Independence
Teach children that it’s okay to ask for help but also emphasize the importance of independent problem-solving. Encourage collaboration and learning through questioning.
5. Thank You!
Boost Confidence
Express gratitude and acknowledge a job well done. Positive reinforcement and praise can be powerful motivators for children.
6. You Are Loved!
Share Affection
Reassure children of your love and remind them that others care for them as well. Sometimes, a little perspective can help them understand high standards as acts of love.
Remember, the words we choose can shape a child’s self-esteem and outlook on life. Be intentional in your communication with children, and strive to provide positive and encouraging messages.
Dealing with What Other People Say
Other people’s opinions of you do not define you. Here’s how to handle it:
1. Trust Your Own Perception
Self-Confidence Is Key
Believe in yourself and your own judgment. Don’t let external opinions define who you are.
2. Don’t Believe Everything You Hear
Be cautious about accepting everything you hear as truth, especially negative or harmful gossip. Take it with a grain of salt.
3. Focus on Your Own Journey
Comparison Is a Trap
Avoid comparing yourself to others, especially on social media. Remember that what you see online is often an idealized version of reality.
4. Be Wary of Gossip
Don’t Participate in Harmful Talk
Gossip can be damaging and hard to undo, whether in person or online. Be mindful of the impact of your words on others. Remember, those who gossip to you, gossip about you.
5. Foster Positive Communication
Be Part of the Solution
Encourage respectful and positive communication in your personal and professional life. Don’t tolerate harmful talk or rumors.
Remember, you have the power to control your own perception and response to what others say. Stay true to your values and focus on your personal growth and well-being.
How to Handle Insults & Teasing
Rise Above Negativity
Dealing with insults and teasing can be challenging, but here are some strategies:
1. Take the High Road
Respond with Positivity
Respond to criticism with positivity. Say something positive about your critic, and you’ll disarm many critics.
2. Lean on Your Team
Seek Support
You’re not alone; you’re part of a team composed of family, friends, and mentors. Share your feelings with them and ask for help when needed.
3. Be a Creator, Not a Destroyer
Rise Above Negativity
Use your words and energy to create positive experiences for others, regardless of the criticism you receive. Be a source of positivity and happiness.
4. Put the Rock Down
Don’t Carry Negativity
When you find yourself worried or thinking about what other people “might” be thinking or saying, ask yourself:
• Is it true?
• Is it helpful?
• Is it kind?
If the answer to any of those is, no, think about something else, because if it isn’t true, helpful or kind then it does not matter.
Give yourself something else to think about and focus on.
Have some positive self-talk phrases to say to yourself, like:
• I am good and kind.
• People like me.
• Things always work out.
• I have a gift to give the world.
• I control my thoughts and this isn’t worth thinking about anymore.
• Who can I help?
Put yourself into action and get moving. Take a walk. Exercise. Get moving! You will feel better.
Don’t carry the weight of criticism like a heavy rock. It’s not real, and it doesn’t define you. Downplay negative comments and move on.
There Are No Bystanders
Take a Stand Against Bullying
Everyone has a role to play in addressing bullying. Don’t stand by as a bystander; be part of the solution, not the problem.
Social Media Is Lying to You
Real vs. Ideal
Don’t believe everything you see on social media. Remember that comparison steals your joy. Focus on your own journey, not someone else’s highlight reel.
Advertise to Yourself
Harness the Power of Self-Talk
Your self-talk is like advertising to yourself. Choose your words carefully and replace negative thoughts with positive ones. Positive self-talk can lead to success.
Teach and Model, “What We Don’t Say!”
The Impact of Silence
Remember that what you don’t say also speaks volumes about your character. Avoid engaging in harmful gossip and rumors. Be a leader who discourages negativity.
Parenting a Leader
Raising Tomorrow’s Leaders
Raising a leader requires commitment and intentionality:
1. Educate Your Child About Leadership
Teach Leadership
Actively teach your child about leadership through resources, discussions, and
examples. Surround them with leadership opportunities.
2. Provide Leadership Mentors
Mentorship Matters
Connect your child with mentors who can guide and inspire them. Mentoring has a profound impact on a child’s development.
3. Encourage Leadership Opportunities
Foster Growth
Support and encourage your child to take on leadership roles. Embrace the challenges and learning experiences that come with leadership.
Raising a leader is a responsibility that requires dedication and active involvement. Be the parent who equips your child with the skills and mindset to make a positive impact on the world.
I hope this ebooks makes someone’s life better. Tomorrow is always better. Stay positive.
Always forward,
Kelly
I am a professional speaker, and I would like to speak at your event.
Order Kelly’s books, Along Came a Leader and Unthink Before Bed: A Children’s Book on Mindfulness for your personal library.
Educator, Author, Keynote Speaker
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Leadership transcends titles; it’s the courage to confront discomfort, collaborate on solutions, and take responsibility. Workplace culture thrives when individuals overcome the reluctance to be vulnerable and take risks for meaningful change. True leaders step into the unknown, acknowledging the need for improvement and saying, “Enough! I will give it my best shot.”
Here are five people I’d like to introduce to you to help you have a great year:
Every one of us has the ability and the power of making “good culture” the expectation, not just a pleasant surprise.
We’ve all heard the saying, “We become what we talk about.” So, let’s talk about creating positive, supportive, and fun experiences for ourselves and those around us. Sure, it might be challenging when exhaustion sets in or when the workload seems insurmountable. But here’s the magic – the more we consciously choose to infuse positivity into our interactions, the more it becomes a part of our daily narrative. We are building habits. We are training ourselves to deal with stress and difficulty with high levels of skill.
Having just wrapped up a fantastic winter break with my family, I’m fueled by the warmth of shared experiences and the anticipation of what lies ahead. I’m a dedicated goal-setter, and I find that setting objectives and journaling are invaluable tools for planning and living a fulfilling life.
It was an honor to speak at The North Central Ohio Educational Service Center Administrative Retreat 2023 in Tiffin, Ohio this August to kickoff the school year with these amazing educational leaders. As an educator I always felt the praise from students and families for my work in the classroom; I am not certain that is quite the same for administrators. They work long hours and the messages they receive are too often urgent and not always as positive. Still, without a doubt, educational leaders such as principals, assistant principals, superintendents and all of the various Director roles are 100% needed and positively impact the lives of everyone in the district. If they are doing their job well, they aren’t getting the spotlight and their positions are probably misunderstood because they are intentionally directing the recognition to teachers and others. In many ways our educational leadership teams are the unsung heroes.
It was a privilege to speak to these leaders to kickoff their year, acknowledge their work, inspire and help set the stage for their best year yet.
Just imagine if you had access to the sharpest minds in the world, or in all of history, to offer you advice in the areas of finance, health, relationships, professional success or whatever decision you are currently facing. Well, you do.