What Are YOU Talking About?
Conversations are a key to life, both the conversations you have with others and the conversations going on in your head.
Conversations are essential to any relationship. Even bad conversations are better than none because they keep the line of communication open. Want better relationships? Hoping to build trust? Have more frequent and better conversations.
I converse with others because I love people and genuinely care to learn about others’ lives. Sometimes though I have to muster up some courage to start a conversation with someone who has been cold or perhaps even off-putting in the past. It’s not easy, but I know our relationship will only improve if one of us makes the effort to start. I’m not shy, so most often it’s me, and I never regret it. I never regret starting that conversation. Every single time the conversation is what needed to happen.
Your conversation is also key to the culture of your home, where you work, and the organizations to which you belong. What are you talking about? It’s important to know.
Have you ever noticed some people know just the person to go to in their family if they want the whole family to know? The same is true at work. People start to identify others based on the conversations they keep. We know how others react. We know what they like to talk about.
It’s time to check our conversation. Seriously. What are we talking about? What are we constantly hearing?
Are our conversations friendly, positive, optimistic, and engaging? Are we offering assistance to others with our words? Are we celebrating and promoting the good things others are doing? Are we finding the positive?
Or are our conversations secretive and avoiding the ears of others? Are our conversations pessimistic and negative? Are we avoiding others or challenges at work? Are we often in the midst of gossip? Are we often talking ABOUT the same person? Are our conversations focused mostly on what is broken and not working?
These are important questions because they impact where we live, where we work, and the company we keep. They impact the way we think and feel. I believe they start to bake into our DNA and change who we really are and determine the person we will become.
I’m guilty. I take a walk almost every single day with my wife. Awhile back ago I realized I was starting the conversation on our walks with a similar negative focus. I was venting some frustrations, which would be fine but it was souring our walks. Truly! I had to change the focus. I had to change my tone. I needed to listen more and talk less. My wife is a saint. I don’t want to waste that precious time of the day with her on negativity. That time is precious. When the conversation improves, our walks improve. I occasionally need a nudge. The same is true everywhere in life. Everywhere.
The conversations we have with ourselves are even more important. Self-talk is real, and it’s powerful. I read James Loehr’s book The New Toughness Training for Sports. He studied Olympic athletes and found most self-talk was negative and had a detrimental impact on their performance. He further studied how athletes overcame it with great intention and practice crafting precise phrasings when making an error to maintain control, recover, and improve.
Words have power and influence. We should choose them carefully for ourselves and when conversing with others.
I’m not suggesting that people never vent and authentically share frustration; I’m just recommending we don’t live there and make it our home.
Some people see themselves as the person who points out what’s wrong. They think that this is their special gift to the world. Well, unless there is a solution accompanying it, then it is most likely less than helpful and could be becoming toxic with others.
I am always extra nice to clerks and attendants when I go out because I witness how others treat them. Write often it’s horrible. I cannot imagine being on the receiving end of everyone’s frustration, complaints, and even sighs. I try to make their day.
It is our conversations that strengthen relationships, our jobs, our families, and our friendships.
I encourage you to check your conversation. I’m doing just that. I’m turning the television off when the conversation has been on one topic for too long. I’m changing the conversation with family members when we get in the “what’s wrong with this world” trap. I change the conversation at work if it’s not helping us move in the direction we want to go, and believe me, others have to do it with me as well.
Conversations are crucial to improving the world we live in, the happiness of our homes, and the culture of where we work. We are a part of each. We must help shape those conversations with intention, positivity, solution, and a fun attitude.
#culturejourney
Kelly Croy is an author, speaker, and educator. Want to learn more? Send an email. • Sign-up for Kelly’s Newsletter. Listen to Kelly’s other podcast The Wired Educator Podcast with over 186 episodes of interviews and professional development. • Order Kelly’s book, Along Came a Leader a book on personal and professional leadership, and Unthink Before Bed: A Children’s Book on Mindfulness for your personal library. • Follow Kelly Croy on Facebook. • Follow Kelly Croy on Twitter. • Follow Kelly Croy on Instagram
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