FFP 025: The Six Demands of Self Care

Taking Care of Yourself Allows You to Take Care and Lead Others

In this episode of The Future Focused Podcast, you will learn how to answer the six demands of self-care to become a better leader and live a better life.

As Katie Reed, a very wise individual, once said, “Self care is giving the world the best of you, not what is left of you.”  

In my last episode of focused on frustration and overwhelm and I discussed the five people you need in your life to combat it. 

In this episode I want to focus on what YOU can do. 

Self care is a real thing, just as Katie’s wise words remind us, for if we do not take very good care of ourselves, our beaten, worn, exhausted, anxious, self will be unable and unfit to take care of all those we love, serve, and lead. 

Self care demands knowledge of the self. We cannot take care of what we do not know nor understand. 

Many of you are purchasing Christmas presents this time of year; I also hope you will consider my book Along Came a Leader as a gift for yourself, a colleague, and administrator, and a family member this holiday season. It’s available on Amazon. It was a work of love. I am so proud of it. Level-up your leadership. Discover the 8 core attributes of leadership and how to put them work to impact lives and lead. We need leaders. If you’ve already read it, I hope you will leave a review

I also encourage you to follow me on Instagram between now and Christmas Day because I am sharing lots of my artwork. I am drawing a Santa Claus every day and posting the speed-painting video of me drawing it, which is so much fun to watch, alongside the art. You can only find it on my Instagram.

Looking for a dynamic speaker for your event? • Kelly Croy is an author, speaker and educator. Want to learn more? Send me an email. Sign-up for Kelly’s NewsletterListen to Kelly’s other podcast The Wired Educator Podcast with over 148 episodes of interviews and professional development. • Order Kelly’s book, Along Came a Leader for your personal library. • Follow Kelly Croy on Facebook.  • Follow Kelly Croy on Twitter.  •  Follow Kelly Croy on Instagram 

Eleven Ways to End Feeling Not Good Enough

Frustration and Overwhelm are Not Okay

We live in a time when frustration and overwhelm are not only rampant, but they are accepted as normal feelings and talked about as a badge of honor, or as evidence of being a hard worker.

Q: “How’s it going today?”

A: “I am so busy! It’s crazy. I am completely overwhelmed with the number of emails and work. I’m not sure if I’ll ever get in front of it. Same thing at home. I have to be so many places tonight.”

Isn’t the above accepted as normal banter?

Listen, frustration and overwhelm are not okay.

How we talk to ourselves matters. How we talk about ourselves matters. We must be intentional with how we speak about ourselves, our jobs, and our lives.

Frustration and overwhelm will not end by executing an enormous number of hours of work. Frustration and overwhelm will end when we interrupt how we are thinking, change the way we talk about work and life, and change what we take action on and prioritize.

Our brains are taking in a tremendous amount of messages from television, social media, interactions with others, main stream media and a variety of other sources. A good portion of these messages are manipulated in ways that create an inaccurate baseline of self value. Likes, followers, shares, filtered photos, editing apps, and other variables enhance a false narrative of normal. It would appear as if everyone is fit, always looks great, has more money, buys nicer cars, travels to exotic places, and is always happy. A part of us knows the reality that this isn’t really the case, but there it is in front of us again and again, like waves on a beach beating down on us.

Too many people, young and old, are feeling Not Good Enough.

How can we put An End to Not Feeling Good Enough?

  1. We need to limit our social media consumption.
  2. Interrupt what we focus on. Get an understanding that almost none of it is real or matters anyway.
  3. Change how we talk to ourselves. Journal some positive things to plant in your mind. Create a running list of positives to focus on in certain situations and especially before bed.
  4. Get our bodies moving. Especially when we are feeling beat down.
  5. Build a network of friends that include a truth teller, an encourager, a coach, and a friend. Be these for others too.
  6. Control what we are putting into us. That includes foods, music, books, drinks, thoughts, drugs, media, stories, and more.
  7. Change the story we tell about ourselves. Both at work and at home! Focus on what you are accomplishing and the positives of your day. Don’t exaggerate. They are there!
  8. Make gratitude a regular part of your self talk and outward talk. Make a list. Read it.
  9. Say “not right now” to new tasks and responsibilities and until you really have time for them.
  10. Make a list of what makes you feel good and what doesn’t. Schedule more of the former.
  11. Embrace mindfulness. Take a minute to stop what you are doing. Smile. Breathe. Limit your thoughts.

I don’t want others to feel not good enough. I don’t want to feel that way. I don’t want my family to feel that way. I don’t want you to feel that way. It’s not going to happen accidentally; we must start being intentional about it. Catch yourself talking outwardly or inwardly in negative ways and correct it immediately with a new version; that is habit interrupting and rebuilding. Catch yourself feeling negatively and immediately change what you are thinking about, and if you can, what you are doing and where you are at. Get in front of this and change your life.

I look forward to your thoughts and questions in the comment section below.

Kelly

PS. Season 2 of The Future Focused Podcast will start in a few days. I hope you will subscribe and listen.

Looking for a dynamic speaker for your event? • Kelly Croy is an author, speaker and educator. Want to learn more? Send me an email. Sign-up for Kelly’s NewsletterListen to Kelly’s other podcast The Wired Educator Podcast with over 121 episodes of interviews and professional development. • Order Kelly’s book, Along Came a Leader for your personal library. • Follow Kelly Croy on Facebook.  • Follow Kelly Croy on Twitter.  •  Follow Kelly Croy on Instagram 

Attitude: ‘The Flintstone Vitamin’ of Leadership


(Part 2 of 7 on Leadership)

A good attitude is the most important element in leadership. Period.

Even if you acquired and mastered all of the other qualities needed to be a successful leader, yet failed to develop a good attitude, you will fail as a leader. Furthermore, if you possessed only adequate measures of the other leadership traits, yet nurtured a fantastic attitude, you will excel as a leader.  Yes, your attitude is indeed that important!  To put it quite simply, your attitude will make you, or break you.

“Attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference.” ~ Winston Churchill

 

How can this be?  Well, a good attitude is the Flintstone vitamin of leadership; it automatically boosts all of the other leadership elements. A great attitude can compensate and even overcome a deficiency in another area.  If you are a poor communicator, for example,  that will hinder your ability to lead, but if your attitude is great, it will automatically boost your ability to communicate, and get you through some rough patches until you are able to strengthen your communication skills.

My mom always set out a Flintstone Vitamin for me in the morning. (I always wanted Dino. He seemed to have a lot of energy.)  I remember mom explaining to me the importance of taking the vitamin and how it would help me in Math class, and football practice, in art class, and even playing with my friends. I can’t help but to think of our attitudes acting in exactly the same way.  Whatever I am doing, a great attitude will make me even better at it.  Make sure you take your great attitude with you everywhere you go.

Imagine you had to work beside one of two people who were equally skilled, who would you choose to work with? Whom would you want to date of two equally attractive choices?  Perform dental work on you? And the list goes on.  The winner?  That’s easy. People with great attitudes!

Just like the Flintstone Vitamin, we can choose to take it or not.  It is our choice.  When poor circumstances or misfortune come our way we can choose to get negative and hot-headed, or place our thoughts on a new direction.

For years a banner hung in my classroom that read: Attitudes are contagious. Is yours worth catching? It was one of my favorite posters because it packed so much into one small saying. I learned right away as a teacher and coach that my students and athletes would mirror my attitude.  If I arrived with an enthusiastic spirit willing to learn, so would my students. If I was short tempered and impatient, well, they would mirror that as well.  It’s no surprise then in the work place or in sports that people mirror the attitudes of their leaders, whether they are the CEO or the team captain, the classroom teacher, or the parent.  Attitudes are mirrored.

Poems are a powerful way to illustrate a point with lot of emotion.  My brother mailed me the following poem to me when I played college football.  I guess he wanted me to be a positive role model and leader to his son, my nephew Zach, and other young men.

Little Eyes Upon You

There are little eyes upon you
and they’re watching night and day.
There are little ears that quickly
take in every word you say.

There are little hands all eager
to do anything you do;
And a little boy who’s dreaming
of the day he’ll be like you.

You’re the little fellow’s idol,
you’re the wisest of the wise.
In his little mind about you
no suspicions ever rise.

He believes in you devoutly,
holds all you say and do;
He will say and do, in your way
when he’s grown up just like you.

There’s a wide-eyed little fellow
who believes you’re always right;
and his eyes are always opened,
and he watches day and night.

You are setting an example
every day in all you do;
For the little boy who’s waiting
to grow up to be like you.

Time and time again I have thought back to that poem’s wisdom.  When we are in leadership positions people look up to us in many ways, and we must work hard to set a great example.  That example begins and ends with our attitude.

If you made a list of qualities that you did not admire and absolutely  didn’t want any part, they might closely resemble: laziness, stubbornness, bossiness, selfishness, snobbiness, etc.  And really, what are each of these, but nothing more than a poor attitude.  I tell you again, change your attitude and you will change your destiny.

The quality that we most admire in others has much to do with their attitude.

“Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than successes, tha what other people think or say or do.  It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company, a church, or a home.  The remarkable thing is that we have a choice every day regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day.”  Charles Swindoll

A Confession

One of my friends asked me why I was always so positive. The answer is simple and a very large part to my secret to what success I have achieved.  I see the world in a very unique way.  I view every person I meet, every person I contact, and anyone I come in contact with, as if they are the brightest, kindest, most helpful person I have ever met.  Furthermore, I truly believe it.  I believe that the people I meet absolutely wants to help me succeed and assist me.  You know what?  It almost always works out as I picture it too.

Have you heard about the Pygmalion Effect?  It comes from George Bernard Shaw’s story Pygmalion, better known probably as the movie My Fair Lady.  The Pygmalion Effect has been incorporated into school settings with teachers and students.  When teachers believe they have received the best students, or when students believe they have received the finest teachers, they respond accordingly and excel. (Even when it’s not true.)

I don’t apply this Pygmalion Effect for sheer personal gain.  I have always believe people should be measured on their best day, not their worst, and I know from personal experience that most people rise to the expectations they are held, so why not hold everyone to a high expectation.  Also, it fits with the Golden Rule; I would want people to expect the same from me on our first meeting.

Always forward,

Kelly

 

I am a professional speaker, and I would be honored to speak at your event!

Order Kelly’s books, Along Came a Leader and Unthink Before Bed: A Children’s Book on Mindfulness for your personal library.

Educator, Author, Keynote Speaker
Twitter: @kellycroy
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Website: kellycroy.com and wirededucator.com
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